In Love with your Memory
by Asulli
Summary: WRITERS BLOCK ON THIS ONE;; Everything is perfect in Rory Gilmore's life. She goes to Yale and sees her boyfriend, Jess Mariano nearly everyday. But what happens when an accident changes Rory's life forever? How can she deal with the loss? AU- Literati
1. The Perfect Life

**This is story is very AU. Rory and Jess have been dating for awhile, and he never left for California with his Dad. He moved to New Haven with Rory while she went to college.**

_**Summary: Everything is great in Rory's life. She has the perfect boyfriend who seems to have changed so much since she met him, and the perfect mom who has always been a friend. Everything is perfect;; but what happens when there is an accident that changes Rory's life forever? How does she deal with the loss? AU**_

Jess Mariano walked through Yale campus. A couple years ago, if you would have told him that he'd someday be walking on ivy-league grounds, he would have just scoffed. He stopped at the coffee cart and ordered a coffee. When the guy handed him the cup, he paid him and went on his way. When he got into Rory's dorm building, he saw Doyle running out angrily. Jess stopped him.

"Whoa, where are you going, bud?" He had always teased Doyle for multiple reasons. He called him 'bud' because it usually got on his nerves, but today he ignored it.

"Paris is crazy!" He yelled at Jess. Jess nodded. Of course Paris is crazy, he thought. He knew that from day one. He patted Doyle on the back.

"Yeah, but you make her happy, and when Paris is happy, the whole world is happy, when Paris is mad, the whole world is Deadwood." He shrugged and smiled. Doyle opened his mouth to say something, but Jess cut him off.

"Go cool off, but your ass better come back, because I can't deal with Paris." Jess laughed and continued to Rory's dorm room. He knocked on the door. Paris answered and let him in. She was particularly moody today. She merely pointed towards Rory's room. Jess nodded and walked quickly to her room. He opened the door, slipped in and swiftly closed it behind him.

"Hey you!" Rory was rummaging through her closet looking for shoes. Jess saw several pairs that would go perfectly fine with her outfit, but he kept his mouth shut.

"Hey, I got something for you." He said childishly. It was then that she looked up at him, when she saw the coffee, she practically ran over to him. Jess held the coffee up high so that she couldn't get it.

"Kiss first." He said simply. He smirked at her as she stood up on her tip-toes and kissed him, then she reached for the coffee again. He smiled and handed it to her. She took a sip and nodded approvingly.

"Wow. Almost perfect." she said smiling. Jess smiled back.

"Yeah, I just know how to order it, the guy looks at me like I'm crazy." He shrugged a little letting his 'don't car' attitude resurface.

Rory recognized his shrug and a soft smile came over her face. Jess would always be Jess. Sure, he was here, he hadn't bolted...He was even living close by, making daily visits to her, and working on writing something. He hadn't told her anything, but she always saw him typing away at his laptop late at night. But no matter what he was doing with his life, he'd always be Jess Mariano, the rebel of Stars Hollow that got on everyone's nerves, but won Rory's heart.

Jess locked eyes with her. Coffee brown met ice blue and every memory flooded back. He remembered Larson's Dock where everything had started for him. The ice broke between him and Luke when He shoved Jess into the lake, and of course, everything with Rory started there. He had brought her there for the bid-a-basket festival, and when Dean dumped her, he found her there at the bridge, and the two confused teenagers joined forces and became a couple. He smiled to himself.

"So, after Philosophy do you want to come to my place?" Jess smiled as he spoke the words. He was so comfortable with her.

"No, after Philosophy, I have Ethics..." Rory replied as she found the shoes she wanted to wear. She sat on the edge of her bed and slipped them on.

"Nope, Ethics was canceled this week." Jess said shaking his head. Rory stood up and cocked her head to the side in question.

"How would you know? You don't go here." Jess grinned.

"I don't go here?!" he said with false surprise and heavy sarcasm as he looked around Rory's room. "Huh." Rory laughed and shoved him playfully.

"You know what I mean!" Jess smiled and nodded.

"I ran into Glenn on the way here, he was mad because it was canceled." He read her facial expression and smiled. "You can go check if you want." He pointed in the general direction of the class. Rory shook her head and smiled.

"I'll take your word for it." She stood up and grabbed her bag, slinging it over her shoulder.

Jess smiled and he walked her out of her dorm building. They arrived at the coffee cart, where they usually went their separate ways. He took her hands in his and leaned in, giving her a soft, loving kiss. Rory kissed him back and smiled.

"I love you, you know that?" Rory said as a wide grin played on her face. Jess looked as if he had just fallen from heaven. He stood, being happy with all that he had. He nodded at her words.

"Go be smart, I'll see you after class." He gave her one more quick kiss before he turned to leave. As he walked to his car, he smiled in spite of himself. He had loved Rory from day one, but he couldn't have predicted them have three great years together. He was nearly finished with a book he was writing. He knew that Rory would like it more than anyone else, and that's all that mattered to him.

Rory watched him leave and as she walked to class, she couldn't shake the feeling that she had found "the one". She felt that Jess was her happily ever after. She could picture her with him forever. She was so in love with him and her life seemed to be getting better everyday.


	2. Feeling the Moment

**Author's Note: Here's the first trailer for the beginning half of the story: .com/watch?v=IhydYCPqqUY**

It was early in the afternoon when Jess heard a knock on his apartment door. He happily bounced over to open the door. He opened it and smiled at Rory.

"Hey!" He said, smiling. He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss. She smiled and came in.

"What's up with you?" She asked curiously. She made herself comfortable on his couch; he sat across from her on the chair.

"I've got a surprise for you." He said mysteriously. He pulled a brown box from under the coffee table; he pulled out a small book and handed it to her. She smiled excitedly. She loved it when Jess picked up books for her to read. She began to read the title aloud.

"In Love with you." She nodded approvingly before her expression became shocked. "By Jess Mariano…"

Jess nodded. "It's no misprint." He smiled at her as she turned the book around. On the back cover, there was a picture of Jess and a short description of his life in Stars Hollow.

"You wrote a book?" She asked again.

"Through a fluke, I got it to these guys that have a small press, and the guy read it. They decided to publish it." He shrugged modestly.

"But you wrote it…you wrote a book!" Rory stood up excitedly.

"Yeah it's hard to believe…" He replied, standing up with her.

"I knew it! I knew that you could do something amazing if you'd just calm down long enough to do it." She smiled and hugged him tightly.

"Yeah I know ya did." He smiled as they hugged. When they pulled away, Rory kissed him deeply.

Jess kissed her back, but suddenly pulled away. "Wait, that's not all…" He smiled and walked into his room.

"There's more? You're making me weak in the knees Mr. Mariano." She teased him and sat back down on the couch.

Jess reappeared into the living room and kneeled down in front of her. Their faces were mere inches apart. A soft smiled took over his face.

"Rory, I love you so much. You encourage me to be more than I am everyday. I want to be by your side forever. I promise to never leave you alone…" For the first time in his life, Jess Mariano was one hundred percent sure of what he wanted in life. He pulled out a small velvet box and opened it, revealing a ring. "Rory Gilmore, will you marry me?"

Rory stared at him in disbelief. Jess was worried about that at first until a smiled came over her face. "Yes, Jess I'll marry you."

He smiled and pulled her up to her feet, he picked her up in his arms. "You know, yes and Jess rhyme, never really noticed that until…"

"Just kiss me, Jess." She smiled as she cut him off.

"Yes ma'am." He smiled and kissed her with all the love he felt in his heart. Of all the times he had kissed her, this one had been the most magical and the most real. When they pulled away, he set her back down on her own two feet.

"So…what now?" Rory asked him awkwardly. Jess shrugged, still smiling.

"I don't know, this whole marriage thing is pretty new to me." He nodded as Rory laughed.

"Well okay let's…commemorate the moment." Rory said, smiling.

Jess smiled and pulled her closer to him. "I like that idea…" He kissed her passionately.

--

Rory laid beside Jess in complete silence. She loved staying the night with him. There was just something about waking up to him that made her feel safe. Mrs. Rory Mariano. That sounded great. She thought about her future, _their _future. She smiled as she closed her eyes, falling asleep.

--

Jess woke up early. He seemed to be doing that more and more. He supposed he was more like Luke than he's like to admit. He saw Rory, his future wife, still fast asleep. He slowly crept out of bed and went to the kitchen to make coffee.

While the coffee was brewing, he heard his cell phone ring. "Shoot." He mumbled under his breath. He heard Rory wake up.

"Sorry, Ror, I gotta take this." He flipped his phone open and answered.

"Hello?" Jess made a face and continued talking into the phone. "No, I can't this weekend." He was silent for a moment. "So, I'll catch it next year!" He said angrily, trying to stay levelheaded. He sighed. "Fine! Tell her I'll be there. But I _won't_ be happy about it!" He hung up his cell phone and plopped himself onto the bed.

Rory frowned at him. "What's wrong?"

Jess made an angry face. "Liz's birthday is this weekend and she just _has _to have me there." Rory shrugged. To her, that didn't sound so bad. She didn't want Jess to leave but it was a family thing. Liz and Jess had never been close and Rory, having the relationship she has with her own mother, felt bad about that.

"You should go…" Rory finally said. Jess opened his mouth to protest, but Rory continued. "Be there with your family, I'll be here when you come back." She smiled and kissed him softly. He smiled at her.

"Okay…" he said sweetly.


	3. I Dare You to Move

Author's Note: Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I have been gone for Summer Vacation.

Jess was folding clothes and throwing them into his duffle bag that was open on his bed. He gave Rory a crooked smile as she sat on his bed, watching him pack.

"Do I have to go?" He asked Rory childishly. Rory smiled and shook her head.

"Not if you don't want to, but your mom won't be happy about you not showing up when you said you would." She smiled gently at his crooked smile. That smile of his always got to her. She really didn't want him to go, but he had promised his mom, and she knew a thing or two about family commitment. Her Friday Night Dinners were nothing new. She had to go every Friday and leave Jess alone. This was only one weekend without Jess. No big deal, right?

"Fine, I'll go. But you better be here when I get back." He pointed at her teasingly. An entire weekend in New York without Rory... Jess had no idea what he could possibly do. Of course he'd call her a lot, and make sure that she was okay. He hated the idea of leaving his _fiancé_ behind.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jess…" She spoke softly in his ear. Her breath made him shiver.

"I love you so much." He spoke with the same softness as she did. He cleared his throat and spoke a little louder. "Once we are married, I'll never have to leave you again. We can be together forever and ever and ever…" A soft, loving smile played on his face.

Rory leaned in and kissed him on the corner of his mouth. "I'd like that…" She couldn't imagine being with anyone other than Jess.

Jess smiled and threw a pair of khakis into his bag.

"I'm going to Stars Hollow this weekend. I'll tell them about our engagement at Friday Night Dinner, then I'll spend the weekend with my mom. And, after your trip, we can meet in Stars Hollow and drive back to New Haven together." Rory's announcement threw Jess of guard. He sat next to her on the bed.

"You don't think we should announce it together when I get back?" As soon as the question came out of his mouth, he wanted to take it back. He really didn't want to be around when she told her grandparents. He enjoyed his limbs and didn't want to stick around for Richard to tear him apart.

"No, it'll be better this way." Rory said. She was unsure how her family would react, so if Jess wasn't around, he might not change his mind about marrying into her crazy family.

"If you insist." Jess said smiling.

Jess looked down at his bag. He realized that he was finished packing. The sooner he left, the less traffic he'd run into on the way to New York. He should have announce that he was leaving, but instead he said, "Come on, I'll buy you a coffee before I leave."

Rory smiled and jumped up to get dressed and ready. "Yay for coffee!" She yelled excitedly. Jess laughed and zipped up his duffle bag, looking around his apartment.

He grabbed two copies of his book. One he had written an inscription for Lorelai, the other for Luke. Rory's copy was special. It had notes in the margins, as well as a dedication and an inscription. He took post-it notes and marked each book so they wouldn't get mixed up.

Rory came waltzing out of the bathroom, fully dressed. She was wearing a pair of jeans with a turquoise tank top. Jess smiled at her and handed her all three books.

"Here. Will you give them to their respective owners for me?" Jess asked politely, already setting them into Rory's purse.

"Of course, dear." Rory said with a smile on her face.

"Oh no. None of that cutesy name-calling until _after _we're married!" He grabbed his duffle bag and slung it over his shoulder.

"Whatever you say muffin." Rory said playfully. Jess pointed at her accusingly.

"That's it! I'm driving!" He grabbed her keys off the counter, smiling devilishly. He began to walk out of the apartment.

"No! Jess, it's my car and I'm driving it!" She chased him out of his apartment, turning on her heel to look into the abnormally clean apartment. For some reason, she felt like this was an important time to look over the apartment that she had co-signed with him two years ago.

"Come on, Sweetheart!" Jess yelled in a singsong voice. Rory shut his door and ran to the elevator. She hugged him tightly.

"I love you, Jess." She said sweetly. Jess held her tightly and patted her back lightly.

"I love you too, Ror." He smiled as the elevator closed.

--

Rory and Jess sat at a table for two at the coffee house around the block. It had been one of their favorite places to be as a couple. Jess was drinking a café latte; Rory had a caramel macchiatto with an extra shot of expresso. The two ordered the same thing Everytime they came, and half way through, they'd switch coffees. It was a tradition they had made when Rory first started Yale.

Jess finished off Rory's coffee and smiled. "I love coffee. In New York, its hard to find good coffee." Rory scoffed.

"Jess, there's a Starbucks on every block!" She took a sip of Jess's remaining coffee.

"Starbucks waters down their coffee. This place is perfect. Being here with you is perfect." He smiled and placed his empty cup on the table.

Rory smiled and took the last sip from her cup before doing the same. They stood up and went outside into the parking lot. They had taken Jess's car so that he could leave right after coffee, and Rory could walk back to Jess's apartment.

When they reached his car, Jess pulled Rory into a tight hug. He ran his fingers through her hair and smiled when they pulled apart. "I'll miss you Ror, and I'll call you as soon as I can."

Rory nodded and grabbed onto his leather jacket. She pulled him close to her and kissed his lips deeply. As they kissed, Rory felt Jess's hands wrap around her small waist. Rory smiled into the kiss, feeling Jess do the same.

When the kiss ended, they stood smiling at each other, gazing into each other's eyes. A single tear fell from Rory's face, but Jess wiped it away, putting one finger to her lips.

"Shh, don't cry. I'll be back as soon as possible." He smiled a crooked smile as Rory nodded. He opened his car door. "Goodbye Rory."

Rory smiled at him and his crooked smile. "Bye Jess."

Jess got into his car and drove off. Rory waved at him as he went. Everything inside Rory told her to call him right now and tell him to turn around. All she wanted was to be with him; to be close to him. Jess Mariano, her fiancé, her everything.

As Jess drove away, he saw Rory waving at him in the rear view mirror. He couldn't understand why he felt like he should turn around and blow off his family. He needed Rory and she was all he had ever wanted out of life. He could have nothing, as long as she was by his side. Rory Gilmore, his love, his everything.


	4. Friday Night Engagments

Night must have crept up around them during their goodbyes in the parking lot of that coffee shop they loved so much. Rory stuffed her hands into her jacket pockets as she walked back to Jess's apartment. She took in a sharp breath of the cold air. Her lungs filled with the crisp evening air. She could see her car in the parking lot next to Jess's apartment. It had been implied that after Jess left, Rory would return to her dorm and then leave for Friday Night Dinner with the grandparents. She had full intentions of doing so, but something inside her told her to go up to Jess's empty apartment.

When she reached the door, she pulled out her key and unlocked it, pushing the door open. Once inside, she smiled. As she noticed before, the apartment was pretty clean aside from their trail of clothes leading to the bed. Rory looked at the clock on Jess's nightstand. She decided that she better just get ready there and go straight to her dinner. She walked over to his closet and pulled out her blue and brown dress that she had left there on night. She put it on and freshened up her make-up before she decided to get a move on. She locked the apartment as she left.

--

When Rory drove up into the Gilmore's' driveway, she saw her mother standing there waiting for her. Lorelai stood up against her jeep, holding a large coffee from Luke's. Rory figured that it was nearly empty by now. She could tell that her mother was in her 'rebel' mood.

"I don't want to go." Lorelai stated simply as Rory got out of her car. Rory smiled at her mother's comment.

"Well you're already here, why not go in for a martini and some food?" Rory suggested, even though they both knew that Lorelai had no choice in the matter.

Lorelai put her empty cup back into the jeep. "Fine." She smiled at her daughter. "So how's things with Jess-a-roo?" Lorelai had thought of so many ways to twist Jess's name. She mocked him every moment that she was allotted.

"Things are good…great actually." Rory replied, trying her best not to give away the surprise. But somehow Lorelai could tell.

"You are a horrible liar, Rory. Spill." Lorelai always had a childish tone. She was good for breaking the ice and with her there was rarely any awkwardness.

"Come on mom, Grandma's waiting." Rory spoke swiftly, changing the subject. She rang the doorbell so that her mother didn't get another chance to shake it out of her.

Emily Gilmore opened the door. "There they are, my favorite girls!" Emily seemed abnormally happy today.

"Jeez mom, what are you on, cuz I want some." Lorelai said sarcastically as she took off her jacket.

"Oh Lorelai! So Rory how's Yale?" Emily led them to the living room. She seemed to be in a good mood. Rory smiled hoping this meant that they'd take the news well.

"Yale is great, grandma. How's the DAR?" Rory continued politely.

"I'll have a gin martini and keep em coming, mom." Lorelai said casually as she sat down on the couch next to Rory.

"Lorelai, must you have alcohol to spend a pleasant evening with your family?" Emily asked as she sat across from Lorelai and Rory.

"Is that a trick question?" Lorelai asked smiling. Emily sighed as Richard came into the room. "Oh good. Dad, will _you _make me a gin martini?"

"Well I suppose I can." Richard made his way to the drink cart. "So how is everyone tonight? It sure has been a beautiful day."

Rory opened her mouth to speak but Lorelai cut her off. "What is with you guys tonight? You're so cheery."

Emily and Richard exchanged glances. It was Emily who spoke first. "Well I suppose it'll come out eventually." She looked at Richard.

"I will be teaching Ethics at Yale this year." Richard announced proudly. Rory jumped up and hugged him.

"Wow, congratulations grandpa!" She said happily.

"Yeah, way to go dad. You get to teach college students right from wrong." Lorelai added with a grin.

"Lorelai." Richard said cautiously. He sat on the couch next to Emily. Rory stayed standing up. She grazed her thumb over her newly placed engagement ring. Now was the time. She needed to get it over with.

"What's going on kiddo?" Lorelai asked as she noticed Rory still standing.

"I have an announcement to make." Rory stated shakily. Her mother and grandparents turned their attention to her. She almost wished that she had just blurted it out, like her mother often did.

"You know Jess, my boyfriend?" Her 'announcement' was sounding stupid already. All three nodded. Emily had a sour expression on her face at the mention of his name.

"He asked me to marry him…" Rory continued. "And I said yes. We are getting married, Jess and I." Rory ended her rant and just wanted to hide from her family. Instead she looked out at the three shocked expressions.

Lorelai was the first to speak. "Congratulations hun. We're happy for you." Lorelai smiled and looked over at Richard and Emily. "Right?"

Emily nodded and smiled softly. "Of course we are."

Richard nodded swiftly. "Indeed we are."

The maid came just in time to tell them that dinner was served. Rory scurried into the dining room where she planned to say no more about the matter. It didn't seem like they were truly happy for her, but maybe they were just in shock. Besides, Jess never cared what people thought of him, so why should she worry about how her grandparents felt about her engagement?


	5. This Unavoidable Thing

Author's Note: This is the chapter that defines the outline of the entire story. But have hope; things are not always what they seem ;)

Official Trailer: (youtube) .com/watch?v=IhydYCPqqUY&feature=related

Or just look up "in love with your memory literati" it'll be the first one on the list.

Rory walked into her childhood home and smiled. It was always such a warm and welcoming place for her. Like Jess's apartment, it too felt like home. Home is where the heart is. Well both Jess and Lorelai had Rory's heart so maybe that's why both places felt like home. She felt as if she belonged there. Rory dumped her overnight bag onto her old bed and pulled out the book Jess had instructed her to give to Lorelai. On the front cover there was a post-it with Jess's handwritten 'Lorelai' on it.

Rory sat at the kitchen table across from her mother. "So how do you really feel about me and Jess?"

Lorelai sighed. "Well, I feel that you're young…" She looked over her daughter. Rory was no doubt, her daughter. She carried the features of Lorelai and their personalities were one in the same. At Rory's age, Lorelai was not with anyone for as long as Rory was with Jess. Maybe things could work out. Maybe the two of them could be a happy married couple.

"I know. But we love each other, and isn't that all that matters?" Rory spoke innocently as if she were still ten years old. Her puppy-dog eyes, her smile, all adding to her 'young' look.

Lorelai nodded. "Yeah. I think things will be okay." Did she honestly think that everything between Rory and Jess would be okay? He did in fact wreck her car all those years ago. He also dated another girl to get Rory's attention and jealousy. Was he good enough for her? Definitely not. But he was close, and Rory was so happy being with him.

"Thanks mom." Rory smiled and handed the book to her mother. "Jess wanted me to give this to you." She said carefully. Lorelai's expression was much like her own when she discovered that Jess had written a book. She got up and kissed her mom on the cheek. "Goodnight mom."

--

Rory lay awake in her bed. She picked up her cell phone and looked at it. Jess had not called her since he left. He said he'd call when he got to New York. Should she be worried? He was definitely in New York by now. What if something happened? What if…? Rory's thoughts trailed off as she fell fast asleep.

--

"Rory, wake up." Lorelai was sitting on the edge of Rory's bed, watching her. Rory looked up at her mother. She had a strange expression on her face, one Rory had never seen before.

"Can we go to Luke's for breakfast?" Rory asked curiously. Lorelai was thrown off guard by her question. She nodded.

"Sure. Get dressed." Lorelai said automatically. She had to tell Rory what had happened. Do it now? Wait until later? The decision was killing her.

--

Lorelai stopped outside of Luke's Diner. She kept the engine on and turned to Rory. "I have something to tell you…something tragic."

Rory shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "What is it?" Lorelai looked down at the steering wheel, avoiding eye contact with her daughter.

"Jess is gone. There was a car crash on the highway and Jess was smack dab in the middle of it. Liz called Luke early this morning and he called me…" Lorelai spoke quietly. Rory stared at her with big blue confused eyes.

Before anything else could be said, Rory took off her seat belt and got out of the car. She started to walk towards the bridge. Tears fell down her face and she broke off into a run. When she reached Larson's Dock, she fell to her knees, crying.

Jess. Is. Gone. How could that be? She was just with him yesterday. She was in his arms that night. He asked her to marry him just two days ago and now he was…dead? There must be some sort of mistake…It can't be true.

Rory dangled her feet off the side of the bridge and let her thoughts take control. Everything inside of her told her that it was a lie. That he was going to be back soon like he had promised. But she kept hearing Lorelai's voice in her head, _"Jess is gone. There was a car crash on the highway and Jess was smack dab in the middle of it…" _That's why he didn't call last night…He was fighting for his life. Rory could picture him spread out on the highway, bleeding and alone. Tears came again and all she wanted was for Jess to be there to wipe them away.

Rory shut her eyes tight. For a moment, she wished that it were her who died in a car accident. Jess had never done anything to deserve such an unkind end. Then again, she herself had never done anything to deserve losing the man she loved with all her heart…

When she reopened her eyes, she looked to the right. There she saw Jess walking on the bridge towards her. She opened her mouth to speak but no words would come out. He stopped just shy of a foot away from her. She looked up at him and he looked back at her. She could see his coffee brown eyes sparkle in the morning sun. _This must be a dream…_ she thought carefully. She closed her eyes tightly once again and when she opened them, Jess was gone.

Rory stood up and dusted herself off. She began to walk home. Jess. Is. Gone. The three words repeated themselves in her head. But she wondered what had happened on the bridge. She certainly saw Jess, clear as day. She could have nearly reached out and touched him. But then again, maybe it was just her false hope of him being alive and well. There was no reasonable explanation for her seeing her fiancé on the bridge. A ghost? Daydream? Memory? Yes, it could be just a memory. He had walked up to her as she sat on that bridge many times. Maybe she was just replaying it in her mind. What other explanation was there?

Rory's mind seemed to be on a constant slideshow of Jess. Every picture her mind had mentally taken was unwinding itself in her head. Some pictures made her smile, some made her laugh, but most of them made her cry at the thought of never hearing his voice or feeling his touch for the rest of her life. How could life be so cruel to her?


End file.
